As it’s Friday the 13th, I might as well consult my bucket list and think about something pleasant. One dream I’ve had for some time is to spend a couple of weeks at a luxury spa. Paying more to eat smaller food portions might seem foolish, but I like the idea of pampering, the essence of spa life. Imagine waking up to days where all I need think about is my upcoming massage, facial, sauna or time spent in a hot tub. A little yoga might suit me, especially if it’s followed by a nap in a lounge chair beside a heated pool.
Just thinking about the escape relaxes me. But wait. There’s more. An article on spa life I read recently suggests I’m not thinking creatively enough about my dream experience. (“The Wild, Wild Rest,” by Brandon Presser, Bloomberg Businessweek, March 2, 20202 ps. 55-59.) And how true that is. It would never occur to me, for example, to bring a large feather to my massage session for a little tickle. At the Canyon Ranch Spa in Arizona, I’d have that option. Tickle where I wonder. Speculation alone makes me giggle.
But I digress. Let’s talk about food. At Canyon Ranch, I’m assured, I would have a multitude of menu choices. I might order half a wonton or a dozen, together with kale and coconut rice without the coconut. I’m not sure how the latter is done but it’s good to know I have options. I can even state a preference for the color of my waiter’s hair, apparently. Cheeseburgers and booze are a no-no, which is no hardship for me. But if I were to have a craving, it’s comforting to know there’s a convenience store a short walk down the road.
If money is no object, I’d be allowed to have my room repainted or redecorated and I could change the pictures on the walls. Of course, I’d never waste money that way. Nor would I fork over $2,000 to $3,000 for a Botox treatment.
A less expensive adventure might be to browse through the sex toy room. There, a customer can expose him or herself (pun intended) to any number of items. Particularly popular among the guests is a $200 We-Vibe Synic, useful in long-distance relationships. Apparently, the remote control allows couples to push each other’s buttons from across the miles.
Now that I’ve learned all about the spa, I’ve decided to stay home. The retirement center has a masseuse. Whether feathers are involved, I don’t know and don’t care. I prefer to spend time in our hot tub or sauna. Of course, like the spa, I can swim in our heated pool, take an exercise class or work out in the gym with a trainer. Why bother packing?
True, the food service isn’t as flexible as the spa’s, but our chef makes an effort to respond to requests and addresses food allergies. Even so, I admit, I’m inclined to sneak out for a crispy taco now and again.
As for the sex toy room, we don’t have that. But, never mind, one seasoned resident assures me there’s an accommodating shop in the neighborhood.