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Courage At Any Age

Nov 10, 2014
by Caroline Miller
losing memory to dementia, metacognition, Stephen M. Fleming, The Power of Reflection
4 Comments

During a recent lunch date with my mother, who is 98, she admitted to a growing sense of vulnerability.  Her memory was fading and she had difficulty finding the words she needed.   This loss of self, she admitted, was a cruel penalty for having a long life.  Stunned by her candor, I didn’t know how to comfort her.  The best I could do was remind her that at any age, we should value the present without longing for the past or anticipating the future.  

 Mine was a hollow answer.  No words exist that can console someone experiencing memory loss, someone who is bit by bit saying goodbye to his or her history.  I decided to console myself, instead.  That my mother had the ability to evaluate her decline was a good thing, I told myself.  Self awareness is a large part of who we are. So what does it matter if my mother is unaware of the day, the year or the hour?   

In the world of brain study, what my mother is experiencing is called  metacognition.  The faculty for it is located in the anterior prefrontal cortex (PFC) and because it is the place where self-evaluation resides, it is “an independent function of the brain and simply part and parcel of everyday abilities.”  (The Power of Reflection,” by Stephen M. Fleming, Scientific American Mind, Sept/Oct 2014 pg. 34.)  We use metacognition to assesses our strengths and weaknesses.  When we make a bad decision, metacognition helps us learn from our mistake.  It isn’t an infallible tool.  It  can’t actually predict success or failure but it can give us the confidence to try something new or help us make a decision that it would be better to back away.  (Ibid pg. 33)  Part of an early survival system, it helps us still. 

 Safe to say, people with well developed metacognition do a better job at self-analysis than those with less.  Happily, however, self awareness can be enhanced.  Meditation can alter brain changes in the area where (PFC) exists, “raising the tantalizing possibility  that such training induces neuroplasticity in brain circuits involved in both meditation and metacognition. (Ibid pg. 37) 

When I confided my concerns about my mother to friend whose parent had died of Alzheimer’s, he responded with sympathy.  “It’ll be better once she forget entirely,” he promised.  He meant well, I  know, but I’m inclined to disagree. Self awareness is the essence of being.  I think, therefore I am.  Truth can be painful at any age.  Living takes courage.  But isn’t a declining awareness better than oblivion?  I say, let the candle sputter as long as it can.  

hands clasping

Courtesy of www.medicinenet.com

 

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4 Comments
  1. Susan Stoner November 10, 2014 at 1:23 pm Reply
    My mom, who used to bemoan the permanent loss of her short term memory, would sometimes fret over that loss. What comforted her was my saying that people spend thousands of dollars to travel to India just to learn how to "be here now." Of course, I had to say that more than once...but I believed it too. Susan
    • Caroline Miller November 10, 2014 at 3:36 pm Reply
      You are so right. Susan. The "now moment" is all we have really have and in a way, memory tricks us into thinking of life lived on a continuum. Thanks for sharing.
  2. Christine Webb November 11, 2014 at 6:52 pm Reply
    As my mother's memory faded, I worried that when she could no longer remember who I was, that realization would be devastating to me. But it wasn't. I knew was deep down inside there, somewhere, in her heart, but that really wasn't so important anymore. That she was warm, dry, comfortable, cared for and loved was really all that mattered. I was another of her many gentle caregivers and was more than content to be so. She didn't remember who I was, but I remember who she was, and as long as I have memory, so will my children and their children. Thanks for sharing these moments with your mom, Caroline.
    • Caroline Miller November 12, 2014 at 7:51 am Reply
      Thank you Christine for sharing your personal experience and giving the rest of us hope that we can deal with the loss.

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Contact Caroline at

carolinemiller11@yahoo.com

Portland, Oregon author Caroline Miller had distinguished careers as an educator, union president, elected official and artist/advocate.

Her play, Woman on the Scarlet Beast, was performed at the Post5 Theatre, Portland, OR, January/February 2015

Caroline published a serialized novelette, Marie Eau-Claire, on the website, The Colored Lens.  She also published the story Gustav Pavel,  a parable about ordinary lives, choice and alternate potential, on the website Fixional.co.

Caroline has published four novels

  • Ballet Noir
  • Trompe l’Oeil
  • Gothic Spring
  • Heart Land

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