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Alone, Alone, All, All Alone

Oct 07, 2013
by Caroline Miller
" Jancee Dunn, "All By Myself", Ladies Home Journal, quiet time essential to health
2 Comments

When I was 29, I was dating a man who was intelligent, financially secure and cultured. Nonetheless, I wasn’t attracted to him, despite my mother’s encouragement. “He has beautiful teeth,” she said, fearing I was being picky and would end up alone. At 29, I considered that possibilities, myself. It took courage to attend parties knowing I’d be the only single person in the room. Over the years, it’s taken more courage to admit to the sisters of my sex that I’ve never had children. Always, a look of pity creeps over their faces when I tell them, a disappointment that suggests I am no longer a full member of the club.

 No matter. I’m happy I resisted the temptation to marry the man with beautiful teeth. If I had, I’d be a widow and alone.

 I’d never champion the idea that a person should lead a solitary life, though it has its reward. But I would say to women, in particular — as they tend to be nurturers — that having time to oneself isn’t selfish. It’s an absolute must. Even with a large family, a woman can find quiet time folding the laundry or doing a extra load of wash. She can take the dog for a long walk or simply walk alone. My mother’s favorite escape was the graveyard across the street from the restaurant where she worked. She’d eat lunch leaning against a headstone, content to find peace among the dead when it seemed impossible to find it among the living.

 One should never feel guilty for seeking a time out. New research argues that conscious, quiet time is essential for health:

 When you take a breather, the prefrontal cortex in your brain gets a rest… The more you detach and unplug, the more likely you are to make better decisions … (“All By Myself,” by Jancee Dunn, Ladies Home Journal, October 2013 pg. 20.)

 You see? Even science says a woman should have “a room of one’s own.” I promise the experience is empowering.

solitary time

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Courtesy of blogs.longwood.edu)

 

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2 Comments
  1. Bill Whitlatch October 7, 2013 at 10:17 am Reply
    Katharine Hepburn > Quotes > Quotable Quote “I have not lived as a woman. I have lived as a man. I've just done what I damn well wanted to, and I've made enough money to support myself, and ain't afraid of being alone.” ― Katharine Hepburn
    • Caroline Miller October 7, 2013 at 11:17 am Reply
      Ha, ha. Thanks Bill. Wasn't aware of this quote but certainly know Kathrine Hepburn was a trailblazer. The next big step in our cultural thinking will be for a woman to live as a woman and for that to be okay.

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Contact Caroline at

carolinemiller11@yahoo.com

Portland, Oregon author Caroline Miller had distinguished careers as an educator, union president, elected official and artist/advocate.

Her play, Woman on the Scarlet Beast, was performed at the Post5 Theatre, Portland, OR, January/February 2015

Caroline published a serialized novelette, Marie Eau-Claire, on the website, The Colored Lens.  She also published the story Gustav Pavel,  a parable about ordinary lives, choice and alternate potential, on the website Fixional.co.

Caroline has published four novels

  • Ballet Noir
  • Trompe l’Oeil
  • Gothic Spring
  • Heart Land

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